Dad Entry #95

Michael and I love a show called "River Monsters" on Animal Planet. An 'angling adventurer' named Jeremy travels the world catching giant freshwater fish. They're often billed as 'man-eaters' by the show's commercials and our sensationalizing media, even when they have no teeth. But Jeremy did catch an enormous, 9-foot-long white sturgeon Jeremy on yesterday's episode. The fish are always huge. And ugly. And therefore kinda creepy. So despite any irritating trumped-up, over-produced drama, Michael and I are addicted to the show. We watch it in HD on the big flatscreen; the scenery is amazing. In Alaska - where we were yesterday :) - grizzlies nearly attacked us while we fished for sockeye salmon that turn a brilliant red when spawning. One even took a fish right off our line which prompted our guide to fire a warning shot from his 50 caliber handgun which, by the way, is like a canon. And the 9-foot white sturgeon Jeremy landed... now that is a massive freshwater fish, and only half as big as their max size. This left Michael and I wide-eyed and breathless. I wanna take Michael carp fishing in Clear Lake, where I can promise him at least a 2-3 foot fish, and one nearly as unattractive as the stuff Jeremy catches. The show's a little scary for Meg - for example when Jeremy dives in a murky river in India and literally collides with a gigantic catfish - so we watch it when she's not around. During an episode on the Nile in Africa, Michael said, "Africa is an interesting place." I asked him, "You wanna go there with me sometime?" He said, "No, I don't want to get malaria," and then added, "I don't want to go through that process." I don't know if he meant the 'being infected by blood-sucking insects' process, or the fever, chills, sweating, pain and gasto-intestinal issues that are symptoms of the disease. I was mostly impressed with his use of the word 'process'. He's seven years old.

For the record, Michael's right to be worried about malaria in Africa. According to the WHO, every 30 seconds a child dies there from its effects. Of course, I told Michael he'd be fine if he visited Africa, since vaccines are being developed, and we'd treat him immediately if he showed any symptoms. I think this confounded him further... so why are so many kids dying? Why do 1 million people die annually from malaria when we have treatment? I decided not to launch into a discussion about poverty, disparity, and so on. I think Michael reads about things like malaria in his National Geographic Kids magazine. Maybe I should take it away from him!

Continuing on a serious note, I wonder if Michael will catch wind of the trendy wave of apocalyptic predictions, the Mayan calendar, End of Days, Doomsday, whatever. Didn't someone say the world would end a few days ago? Seriously, I mean someone who actually got widespread press and recognition for their prediction? It appears they were wrong. The question my dad - Papa Mike - and I like to kick around is if global threats and uncertainty are in decline now, or on the rise. Sure, there are many threats and issues now, but will any amount to the death and destruction of the World Wars, or the genocides orchestrated by Hitler and Stalin? Does the average person feel more secure now, or were they better off 50 years ago? It's difficult to consider an average, but it's really a simple question. We don't have to overcomplicate every idea, every answer. What is the direction of the world? Up or down? It seems silly to include these comments here, but hopefully the kids will read this blog someday, when they're older, and the world's a little older too. I hope any new developments between now and then are positive. But today you can scare yourself reading about terrorism and tsunamis, about Middle East dictatorships and government corruption. Entire countries are over-leveraged; the whole western world's in debt! What about global warming, and 'peak oil' with no real alternative fuels yet (at least for global transportation). Nuclear power is good for electricity, but look what happened in Japan recently? And what about 65 years ago?! Nuclear power as a weapon is terrifying, in the hands of a dictator, or a suitcase nuke or dirty bomb? What about chemical and biological weapons? Pollution and toxins? Corporate profit over people and Wall Street's insatiable gluttony? Zombies and vampires?!?! Ha, you might think they're real based on the deluge of recent movies and shows about them. One thing we can't deny: the world is faster and more developed, more technological now. And the 24-hour news cycle - and it's the 24-hour bad news cycle for sure - doesn't help raise our collective level of optimism and security. But Voltaire - that's a cheesy name for an Enlightenment era philosopher, isn't it? - said, "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." I tend to agree. But the media spreads too much fear, as a strategy to increase reader- and viewership. It capitalizes on this notion that tragedy sells, always bias the story toward shocking, "If it bleeds, it leads." That's no good. Especially if, as a society, we want to promote a higher sense of optimism and security. Is it naive to want that? Or even worse, dangerous? Or is it healthy, and a little self-fulfilling even? I'm not sure, Michael and Megan can decide for themselves. Is the world good or bad? Even Einstein said, "The most important question any human being can ask is, 'Is this a friendly universe?'" Of course, I think the world is good; I think most people are good. But bad things still happen, and there are rotten apples that can do serious damage. Regardless of it all, most countries on the globe have cities and places that are safe. And worth visiting. I hope Michael and Megan agree; I hope they see the world. And meet many people. I hope they take a trip - safely! - to Africa someday.

Dad Entry #94

The kids love school supplies. They'd rather shop in the school supplies aisle at Target than the toy department. It’s a new obsession with playing school, I guess. Sara and I are cool with it; we figure there are worse things to be obsessed about than school. So I bought piles of pens and pencils in China and brought them home as gifts. It’s what they asked for, and they’re less expensive over there, mechanical pencils, glitter markers, highlighters, Post-it notes, and so on. Again, better it be school and art supplies than other things they could ask for like candy or cheap plastic toys or weapons. Michael hasn't asked for Chinese throwing stars yet. Or nunchucks. But it won't be long; I gave him a deck of cards with 54 different images of Shaolin Monks doing Kung Fu. HI-YA! I will introduce him to Bruce Lee soon. And Donnie Yen.

Michael and his 2nd grade class - and Megan too, since Mommy was a chaperone - went on a field trip to the Chicago Field Museum of Natural History. So last night Megan said, "Dad, did you know a long, long time ago in Egypt, they didn’t wear underpants?" I said, “Really, that's interesting, how do you know?” Megan said, “I saw it at the museum on Michael’s field trip, there was a picture of an Egypt man, and he was naked.” Megan must've really studied the hieroglyphic symbols and drawings at the Egyptian tomb exhibit. But then I thought, Were the man's private parts depicted somehow, in that weird Picasso-esque 2-dimensional drawing style, commonly used by Egyptian artists? And then I thought, Why couldn't the Pharaoh find someone who could draw with more of a 3-D rendering effect? And then I thought, Megan gets her ADHD from me, obviously. Whatever, at least the stick figure drawing with male private parts was not anatomically confusing for Megan, like, say, the drawings of Egyptian men with dog heads. Uh-oh, I just teed that up for the ladies, didn't I? A man with a dog head isn't confusing at all... yeah, yeah.

Michael knows how to use Microsoft PowerPoint. No kidding. He said he knew how and when I was incredulous, he said, "I'll show you." So I opened PowerPoint on my PC and handed it to him and he proceeded to create a slide about Megan. He selected a layout and design, then he entered some text about her favorite things and added a clip art image. Wow. He's going to sit me down soon and project a few slides on the wall, or maybe route it via HDMI to our flatscreen, where he'll use a laser pointer to walk me through a presentation in PowerPoint complete with a spreadsheet and graph of the payment schedule he's proposing for the big allowance he deserves, with competitive bids and valuations and accounting for the chores he'll perform, followed by a pareto of how he'll spend the money. My son. He's very cerebral. I was giving him some reminders about baseball at his game on Saturday, in between innings. Michael played 3rd base and afterwards I pointed out to him, "Hey man, when the ball is hit to someone else, remember to cover your base. Especially if there's a runner on 2nd, he might advance to 3rd and someone might try to throw him out there." Michael's eyes were glazed over halfway through my comments. He wasn't interested. But... I bet if I gave him a baseball rulebook, he'd devour it and before long spout things like, "Dad, did you know there's something called the Infield Fly Rule, to prevent infielders from dropping pop-ups on purpose so they can turn double plays. Without this rule, a defense could drop a pop-up with runners on first and second, and turn it into a double play because the runners have to stay close to their bases so they won't get doubled-off, but then they can be easily forced-out at 3rd and 2nd base if the ball is dropped." Yes, Michael, I know, I played in the infield in something like 500 baseball games.