Dad Entry #79

Michael scored very high on his standardized tests for reading comprehension. Mostly because he greedily hoards Pokemon cards and then deciphers and memorizes every oddball detail printed on them. We’re talking about character skills like “Elemental Blast”, “Psychic Pulse” and “Malevolent Meteor”. He seizes and visualizes the meaning of these big words in spectacular mental scenes, I’m sure, vivid and permanent. Paragraphs in some test about Dick, Jane, and Spot must bore him to tears, but he understands them perfectly. Michael has never had a skinny vocabulary. I remember years ago when he memorized the Lightning McQueen book. It was not a 5-words-per-page affair either; it took at least 10 minutes to get through. Pretty much everyone who witnessed a ‘reading’ was very impressed. And Michael performed quite a few with enthusiasm and perfect pace and inflection. Michael was closer to average for math (the other half of the two-part standardized testing), but Sara and I were pleased and proud. His lowest marks (still around average) were for measurement usage and recognition, or something like that, in the math portion. We chalked that up to poor teaching. They should use Pokemon as a teaching tool for measurement awareness, also, like, “At what distance can Aerodactyl vaporize his enemy?” That sorta thing. But we figured reading comprehension is more important than anything else for someone Michael’s age – and perhaps always – so we’re very happy for him.

I was trading parenting stories with some co-workers. We were joking about the merits of unpredictability over consistency. Some dads are unpredictable when it comes to discipline (and visceral reaction). My dad was unpredictable to some extent and I think it worked perfectly when combined with my mother's unwavering consistency. Note: the following is hypothetical; in no way am I hinting at true events that took place during the mid-80’s in the kitchen of the Cox family home in Shenandoah Estates in Crystal Lake, Illinois. So what, exactly, is unpredictability? It’s when a dad only grunts at the news of a bad test grade but then has a Bobby-Knight-arranging-chairs moment the next time a chore is neglected. We're talking about crimes that are different but of comparable severity; there's a chance Dad might only frown, but sometimes.... I don't know if it's mood-driven or whim-based or reflexive discipline, good cop / bad cop, or textbook parenting of a bygone era. Although I'm not capable of ruling this way - and psychologists might classify it as confusing, misdirected, inappropriate, or harmful - I, for one, think it's enormously effective. I think it's genius.

Feeling sick and sore, I took a bath last night. Before I filled the big tub I moved the toy basket that now holds four Barbies. Three have mermaid tails and the other is, of course, Merliah Summers, the famous Barbie surfer and star of the box office smash "Barbie in a Mermaid Tale". Merliah has legs, but in the movie I think she wears a tail. We love mermaids. I enjoyed my first episode of Hannah Montana the other day. And I recommend the film “Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue”.

A while back Megan colored on, with markers, the arm of the couch and shortly after that the carpet in her bedroom. She knows these are serious infractions. Sara and I aren't sure what triggered the vandalism. And Megan isn't forthcoming with answers or explanations when admonished; she just cries. Which is tough since she's cuter than a thousand puppies. But we punished her and my sweet little Crip hasn’t tagged anything since.