Dad Entry #157

A few weeks ago, Megan wiped out on a snow hill and sledded on her face for a distance, or so it seemed according to her wounds, which included a big scab over cheekbone and temple, and some black-and-blue around her eye. The damage was impermanent; all signs have vanished already. Kids heal fast. I wasn't there for the accident, but Megan cried out for me, Sara said, which makes me both happy and sad.

Last night was a rough night. The kids were exhausted from sledding again, and suddenly a dramatic crabbiness seized us all. I leave for China tomorrow and I hate departing after a weekend of threats, standoffs, and discipline, but it happens, since I'm missing them already, and they likely sense the kind of weakness every child is expert at exploiting. It's not malicious, but I have to meet it; we need to love and respect each other especially before I leave for 10 days. Parenting has its share of irony; this is one of those times I'm pretty certain I'm no good at it. I'm only saved by the times I'm pretty sure no one else is always good at it either.

Megan is a pistol. A spitfire. A tough cookie. I love her dearly, and do my best to parent her, but I'm afraid I often fail. I want my children to be emotionally nourished, so I lavish them with love and encouragement. Pretty simple, right? Of course not. Because coddling them is a disservice. But I believe the surest way to diminish any sense of well-being and fulfillment in adults is to stunt them emotionally as children. There are some stiff people out there who could've used more hugs. But on the flip side, when I see egotists, I wonder if they were spoiled as kids. Overall, I'm certain of nothing but the fact that raising humans is both complex and comprehensive; and each critical balance to be struck, phase to navigate, infraction to punish, infraction to ignore, hug to be hugged, emotion to oppose, emotion to temper, emotion to validate... these and a thousand other things should be managed precisely specific to each child's unique and evolving personality. This suggests a moving target, not to mention one that's volatile, intricate, sensitive, not at all invincible, and often complicated or clouded by deep, deep love. What could be easier?