Dad Entry #169

The growth of my children seems to be accelerating. They are both very tallish these days, and Michael has a nice, proportionate thickness to him, also. He'll lean out some, but I'm certain he'll never be as sinewy and stork-legged as I am (or used to be). This is good. And his weight is north of 100 pounds which, I’m pretty sure, already precludes him from riding at the Kentucky Derby or modeling for Guess.

Last week, Michael made an interesting offer; he said, “Dad, I’m going to invent the perfect life for you.” My first thought, of course, was, thank you for assuming I need an upgrade. But I responded, “Okay, what’d you have in mind?” He said, “Well, for the perfect life you would live in the Storellis’ house.” Hmm, I would hate for the Storellis to vacate or share, but it’s true they occupy a beautiful home, very big and full of character. “And it would have a trampoline and a pool,” Michael added. So these are things for your perfect life, Dude, not mine, but go on. “And a basketball court.” Now we’re gettin’ somewhere! “And you would drive a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport.” Okay, so I needed Wikipedia for this one. Although I’ve heard of Bugattis, I didn’t realize how fast they are. The Super Sport version of the Veyron is actually the fastest street-legal production car in the world, with a top speed of almost 270 mph. Michael is refreshingly well-informed. But then he said, “Actually, no, I guess you wouldn’t like the Super Sport, Dad, since it uses a gallon of gasoline every minute.” *Bubble burst* Yeah, and routine maintenance will cost tens-of-thousands, and a new transmission after we grind it to smithereens will run us only two-hundred grand, but… doesn’t the phrase 'perfect life' assume we aren’t troubled by the trivial cost of things?

Michael has a calm, cool, almost sleepy demeanor on the baseball diamond. He’s a little like DiMaggio, I think, based on what I’ve read and seen in grainy, old videos. I'm not sure what I think of DiMaggio's wife, though. I had a poster of her – a very classy one – come to think of it, so that says something. I wonder what Michael will hang on his walls in a few years? Speaking of favorite posters, my uncle flew Farrah Fawcett loud and proud until I was at least Michael's age, in his old bedroom at my grandparents' house. Does anyone recall the poster I'm referring to? I'm pretty sure it was commonly owned or coveted back in the day, during an era when people somehow survived without a zillion images to choose from. Although, I liked another Charlie's Angel even more than Farrah. And I'm not referring to Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, or Drew Barrymore. This poor generation; like so many things, the remakes and reboots just don't measure up to the originals. Holy shit, do I sound like a parent, or what?!