Dad Entry #49

Most people are as quick as possible in public restrooms. Of course, Michael is an exception. It takes him an entire minute to pull his pants and underwear down. No less than seven minutes on the toilet (typical man). Naturally, it takes him forever to pull his pants back up again and then his waistband must be straightened and centered, often with help from me (that underwear elastic is tough, and prone to twisting and rolling itself up). Occasionally there are distractions or novelties like a double toilet paper holder. Two spools! Or like today, in the Arby’s bathroom (the very mention of it makes me wanna scrub my hands again), Michael stood up from the toilet only to spot a fly. He began watching and swatting at it with his pants still around his ankles. Oh, get comfortable, we haven’t even gotten to the hand washing part! Paper towels, soap dispensers, automatic faucets, big mirrors, motion sensors, lock buttons on the most germ-covered doorknobs in the world, hand dryers (the new, super powerful ones that will temporarily deform the skin on the back of your hands… wow!). Did I mention stall door latches and interesting flushing mechanisms. And Megan’s favorite, the colored deodorizer / disinfectant urinal cakes. Is there a more exciting place on Earth?!?! I help Meggie so she doesn’t take so long, but I kinda think Michael is old enough to do most of the bathroom ritual on his own. I try to be patient. I know afterwards, Sara probably wants me to just dip the kids in a vat of hand sanitizer.

So I thought we could play a quick game of “Where are they now?”…
Megan’s pacifiers: I have one in my work bag. Sara kept one also. Good luck charms.
The bouncy seat: loaned to a friend.
Baby Einstein DVDs: still on the shelf.
Michael's Thomas Trains: in storage under the stairs. Already?!?! Seems like a waste. Megan likes to get them out sometimes, though.
Pillpo-Zings: I saw both of them in his closet last night, the now threadbare original, and the replacement Grammie kept at her house for a while. I thought he might take those to college with him! But they were kicked to the curb by…
Snakesy: in Michael’s bed. And now he has ‘Makesy’ (the same beanie snake but not so worn out… kind of like the two Pillpo’s).
Megan’s little giraffe: was last spotted in Megan’s stuffed animal bin. Also threadbare.
Megan’s incredible WALL-E costume that Sara made from scratch: in the basement.
The Lightning McQueen Cars book that little Michael memorized and 'read' perfectly for many audiences: still on the shelf.
Merle the Squirrel: can be seen this fall on the NBC hit “The Biggest Loser”. We fed him so much corn he weighs a hundred pounds now. Actually, he still resides in our yard with his mother Pearl, and brother Earl. I saw him dash up a tree trunk yesterday.
Michael Silvestri: still in the same house with his family in Arlington Heights.